Processing some big feelings & arriving in Munich!

14/08

Today was a pretty chill day, I had a behind the scenes tour booked at the Royal Opera House as there was a cancellation that I managed to take advantage of, so I thought that was a sign I should go. It wasn’t the cheapest tour, but it was a really cool experience that I hadn’t seen a lot of advertising for, so I thought it could be a unique thing to do. That wasn’t until 1:15pm though and in Covent Garden, so I still had a decent amount of the morning to myself.

I dedicated this time to a really riveting activity called packing. I’ve never really liked packing, but packing when you don’t actually want to leave where you are makes it suck even more. I’m pretty proud of myself that I didn’t procrastinate it, but it did take a lot longer this time than when we were going to the Lakes.

The tube into central London took 20 minutes or so, although I decided to walk a bit extra instead of changing tubes cause that would mean I would take the Bakerloo line, and I’m #1 Bakerloo line hater. Plus, the weather wasn’t too warm today, so it was nice to walk through areas I remembered from when I was here with Mum a couple of years ago.

The tour itself was awesome. It really is behind the scenes, so much so I’m surprised the dancers don’t mind we were just there watching their rehearsals. The House was so busy when our tour went through, so we got to see the props crew making sets, seamstresses fixing tutus, even artists themselves being fitted for new shoes. We went behind the stage to see how props and sets get moved around, all the mechanisms for special effects, right as they were being actively constructed. I did feel a bit weird at times, just being at these people’s place of work and watching them like a zoo exhibit, but they seemed to be used to it, and were really lovely. We even happened to run into the guy in the lift that Billy Elliott was based on! So crazy. I was nerding out so much seeing dancers that I’ve been following for ages just getting coffee in the café. Honestly if someone asked me if I saw a celebrity whilst I was in London I would say yes absolutely, I was the principal dancers of the Royal Ballet. That definitely counts.

The tour itself didn’t actually go for all that long, and although I could’ve hung out in London a bit more, I needed to finish packing and honestly, I just wanted to hang out for a bit. Other than the tour didn’t do much that day! The late afternoon did get quite warm so I was happy to just stay home near the fan and get organised for tomorrow’s travel day!

15/08

So I’m writing today’s recap before it’s finished, but that’s because I’m currently in Heathrow Terminal 2 departures waiting for my gate to be announced. Currently in my last couple of hours in London before I fly to Munich! I’m very apprehensive about being in a completely new country by myself, which hasn’t really happened as yet, so I need a little vent before my flight.

Although I’ve been away from home for over a month now, it hasn’t really felt like I’ve been on my own at all. And honestly, I really haven’t been. I flew over with Dad, travelled with him through countries that yes, were new, but also felt very familiar. I then flew back with him, from which I guess you could say I was ‘on my own’, but that was actually with family friends for 10 days. It’s a bit the same for Munich I guess, considering I’m staying with Alex I’m sure I won’t actually feel alone, but this feels a bit different than London. I think because this will be the first destination so far that will have some sort of language barrier it just feels more like big girl travelling you know? I can’t ask people for advice or recommendations on where they like to go, I guess this is the first time I’ve really felt like it’s just me. And that’s pretty scary.

I feel so emotionally fragile right now it’s crazy. Going through security at Heathrow I forgot to take one single little bottle of perfume out of my bag, and they had to do a whole bag check and swab because of that. And the people there were so lovely, I think they could tell I was freaking out, but it just panicked me so much more that it would’ve in any other situation. I like to think I’m pretty easy going and resilient, but right now I just know one more thing could go wrong and I’ll have a breakdown immediately.

I also really didn’t want to leave London. Like at all. I felt so comfortable and at home there. Especially being with people I know, I really wasn’t homesick at all. I think that’s what I’m feeling right now. Leaving London feels exactly the same as leaving Perth did a month ago. Which is crazy to think, considering I was in London for just over a week. I guess that’s a good thing, that I can make myself feel at home so easily, it just makes it hard to leave. I’m really craving that stability and familiarity of being in one place for a while. And that’s what London gave me. I think it lulled me a little bit into thinking that was my life, so I’m not really in the mindset to go travelling. It hasn’t quite processed that I’m actually about to fly somewhere brand new where I know no one (obviously Alex doesn’t count). There has always been some sort of familiar tie to all the places I’ve been to so far. Mum and our friends have travelled to the Lakes before, Mum’s travelled to Ireland before, plus I was there with Dad so it didn’t feel strange. And of course there was no language barrier.

Sitting in the airport now I feel like I have absolutely nothing figured out. Although I know there’s nothing to figure out, I have the magical ability to get stressed about absolutely everything. Which right now is not helpful. I have that little lump in my throat that if anyone walked past and said hello I would definitely start crying. And realistically I know it’s going to be fine, it’s just scary that I have to figure everything out. Have to rely on strangers being nice to me if I need help. I can’t look over and ask someone who won’t be annoyed I’m talking to them.

I’m also really stressed about being able to afford everything. I saved what I thought would be enough money before I left home, but London shocked me with just how expensive everything is. I barely bought anything in London too, yet I ended up spending a lot more than I thought I would. Just going in and out of Central London everyday was probably a good £10 at least. I was really disappointed to not be able to do all the day trips I wanted to; I only went to Oxford. Initially I wanted to go to Bath and Cambridge as well, but return train tickets were around $150, which is obviously just ridiculous. And considering I barely had to pay for food too, it’s overwhelming to think about how much it will cost to just live. I guess that’s a problem literally everyone experiences on a daily basis so I’m really not special. It’s just really anxiety-inducing when I have no more income coming in until March 2025. I definitely underestimated this aspect of the trip. It also sucks because I want to be able to do museums and tours and day trips in these places, it’s the whole reason I’m going.

I also have a habit of being hyper-independent and not wanting to ask for help or be a burden. And though I know my parents are back home and can help me financially, it feels wrong to ask when I should’ve just been organised to begin with. And I also feel bad asking when so many international students are coming with much less than me, without their parents help at all. I feel like I shouldn’t be complaining about anything, even though I’m stressing out. And then the guilt kicks in… I’m literally on a Love Actually location and I’m ranting about how expensive London is like hello? Shut. Up. But on the other hand MIA is supposed to be my travel diary and this is honestly what I’m feeling right now, so I know I need to accept that whatever I’m feeling is valid enough to write about.

I’ve been feeling really stressed the last couple of days, which I think is also why I haven’t wanted to leave London. Just as I was finding my feet and being comfortable in a home there, it’s daunting to pick up and start all over again.

Also hostelling? Yeah freaking out about that too. You know what’s actually hilarious is the thing I’m scared about in hostels is that people will make fun of me for having a suitcase and not a backpack, so they won’t think I’m apart of the fun backpacker club. No, I’m not joking, that’s where my brain went. What if no one likes me? What if everyone’s mean? What if I’m the only girl in a mixed dorm? What if all my books fell through and I actually don’t have a single booking? What if I can’t be myself and end up impulsively lying to make them like me? (Last one is actually highly likely, I’ve been guilty of this too many times). Honestly guys wouldn’t recommend being in my head for any period of time, if there was an Olympic sport for overthinking I wouldn’t only win gold I would break any possible record.

Meeting a bunch of new people all the time is very intimidating to me, and though I think at heart I am an extrovert, it takes a little while to get there when I don’t know someone, and with travelling so frequently between places you don’t really get that time

Oh great, my flight’s just been delayed. Only 15 minutes thank god, but does that mean it might be at risk of getting more delayed? Is it gonna get cancelled? Will I have to spend an extra night in London? I don’t want to have to pay to take the tube back home then come back tomorrow. That’s the thought process of what goes on in my head 24/7. It does get very exhausting.

On a more positive note, I know that most of what my brain goes straight to is unrealistic, and even then I know I’ll figure it out. It’s just exhausting that’s all. Would like some quiet up there every now and then. Especially when there’s not someone I can just yap to, to be able to get the thoughts out of my head. That’s always been helpful to just spit it out, it’s almost like I’m emptying the shit out of my mind, it clears a bit of room for chill.

Though I have heard from lots of people that the people you meet travelling you bond with really quickly, which makes sense. And I know that I can’t possibly be the only one freaking out, I’m sure I’ll meet some lovely people I can relate to. I’m just feeling a lot of feelings that I thought I’d be over and done with by now, but I feel exactly like I did on the 2nd of July the night before I left. It’s funny that I’m somehow surprised that this is how I’m feeling right now, considering my very first post on here was about how homesickness can come out of the blue. I’m trying to take my own advice, and be resolved in the fact that I know this will pass. But it is hard. And it’s ok that it’s hard.

There’s been a bit of a time jump here, I’m now in Freisling, a town just out of Munich, with Alex. I’m happy to have found his apartment easily, and the town is so cute we’re right on a little river. It’s like half an hour on the train out of Munich, I think I’m going to really like it. Unfortunately Alex is really sick at the moment, but just having him there and that familiarity is so nice. The only kink in the plan so far is that for some reason my data isn’t working at all. Which is weird considering it’s been fine in Ireland and the UK, but as soon as I landed in Munich it just stopped working. So I have to figure that out tomorrow before I do anything, I’m definitely not about to get on a train into Munich with no reception or wifi. If anything my dear Google Maps wouldn’t work, and I can do nothing without my Google Maps.

So wish me luck for that, I can tell already it’s going to be a situation, but I’ll try to stay calm and work it out.

Will also update you on how the big feels go tomorrow, and hopefully I get to explore a bit!

Currently MIA,

Lauren x